Kid 1+1 is a five year old who is fully sold on the idea of Mummy Magic. She actually believes that I have special powers, God bless her, over and above the obvious mummy superhero stuff. I love that I am currently in the same league as Mr Tumble or any one of the Marvel/DC characters that are scattered all over our house. Even at seven, mummy magic still holds some weight with Kid 1. I think that’s probably because so many of the other mums still use it with their kids, so there’s no one to call BS on it in the playground…yet. She is, however, becoming more and more cynical and is very close to calling BS herself, but not in such colourful language, I hope!
OK, Kid 1+1 doesn’t want to use the cheapo Disney spray that grandma bought her. She wants to use mummy’s Thierry Mugler Angel eau de parfum instead. So, what does mummy do? She employs a bit of Mummy Magic and ‘POOF!’ the TM Eau de P disappears (aka is chucked behind the bed).
Kid 1+1: “Where is it, mummy?!”
Me: *waving empty fingers in the air and looking all mysterious* “It. Has. Dis-app-eared…”
Now Kid 1 wants to know how mummy is already aware that she needs to bring in £1 for own clothes day at school on Friday (mummy has been the recipient of yet another reminder text from school, don’t you know).
Kid 1: “But how do you know, mummy?!”
Me: *waving empty fingers in the air and looking all mysterious* “Mummy Magic.”
Kid 1: “Don’t be silly, mummy! How do you reeeeally know?”
Me: “I told you already: Mummy Magic”
Kid 1: “Hmmmm…”
You see, the power of Mummy Magic is strong. Seriously, it can be the answer to so many questions that you either can’t answer or can’t be arsed to answer. And there are so many questions. Too many questions. Way too many questions. So, which ones do we need to provide legit responses to and which can be fobbed off with “Mummy Magic” or “because I said so” or “it’s a bit tricky to explain right now” or “ask daddy”?
Let’s deal with the easy questions first of all: the ‘F.F.S.’ questions. These include questions about why the kids aren’t allowed to do something that you don’t want them to do, questions about why they aren’t allowed to eat things that you don’t want them to eat, questions about why they aren’t allowed to have something that you don’t want them to have, or questions about how you made what they wanted to do, eat or have disappear. In essence, these are the questions that you immediately respond to (in your head) with “for f*ckssake”. The questions that you can freely fob off.
Then there is the second category of questions. These are more tricky. These are the ‘sh*t’s about to get real’ questions. Questions such as “Mummy, why are they so upset?” Questions such as “Mummy, but Jagna’s Polish. She’s my friend. Will she have to leave my school?” Questions such as “But, mummy, where will we go if we leave Europe? Will all of our family come with us?” These are the questions over which Mummy Magic has no power. These are my kryptonite.
But, I have had to provide an answer to these questions, and others like them. I have had to find a way to make sense of the senseless in a way in which a 5 and a 7 year old will understand. And there have been more questions. And I have had to answer those too.
I guess, in some way, I am still using some of my mummy magic – just in a slightly different way…
Have you been using yours?